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Before We Begin

OK... So, It's Over

Bryce broke up with me.
Last night, really, at 1 AM.
He said he needs to get his life in order.
He has a lot of responsiblities,
and he needs to focus on them, and having a girlfriend is distracting.

I supported this...
up until he said he needs a break from me.
up until I said "I love you, if you need this, I'll back off... I can do that."
and all he did was sign and pull his hand away from me.

We're techincally, on a break, with the likely prospect of getting back together in the summer.

But I can't let myself bank on that...
it'll be too painful if we don't.

He wants me as a friend.
All I want to do is hold his hand...
I want to be happy with him...

So I need to get back on my own two feet.
And I'm on a fast track to get through this all...

I dyed my hair red.
Something bold, that'll make me stand out like I love.
I'm getting it cut Friday.
I'm getting a tattoo, behind my right ear, of a capricorn symbol.

I've opened a checking account.
I'll be getting a credit card.
I'll get my permit in the next month or so.
I'll start driving lessons when I can afford them, hopefully by April.

If he needs time to get his shit together,
I'll take this time to get mine in better shape too.
He needs to focus on school, and so do I.
He's going to be my supervisor,
and I'm thinking of working somewhere else.

All of this, hopefully will be good by May.
May 13th would have been our one year.
Now it'll be a reminder to me how fast things can change.

Hello, I'm Jaclyn.
My life is shit, and I'm working on it.
But my friends, my support team, they'll get me through all of it.
And no BOY is going to ruin music for me, not anymore.

[but really, if he made me that list of songs that he listens to that make him think of me... maybe it's the same feeling he's got...? no? too hopeful? well... I can dream...]

No matter how geekishly attractive they are.
I'll keep faith that he'll still be my friend.
And that really, our status is the same.
Just with a downgrade of a title.
I am in LOVE with Bryce.
And it'll kill me in the end of this, if I find out he doesn't love me back.

But that will just be one more thing, that'll make me a stronger, better, and unique person.

The Mixes Just Keep On Coming

So, I’m hosting this Sunday’s Mixer for Miss Faith twelfthofnever

And being the master procrastinator I am it has now become Jaclyn’s Monday Madness Mixer. Oh yeah baby.

Rise And Shine Babe, It’s Morning

It’s Monday. It’s early. You hate your job. And your coffee pot decided it hates you too. Let a cold shower and this mix wake you up.

1. “Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey” – The Beatles
Let the bells and John’s voice ring into your ears and get your butt in gear, even if all you want to do is take it easy.

2. “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” – Wham!
Don’t leave good ol’ George Michael hanging like a yo-yo.

3. “ABC” – Jackson Five
Let the Jackson Five school you on the ways of love, elementary style.

4. “Mr. Blue Sky” – ELO
The Electric Light Orchestra keeps your mood up-beat while you’re feeling like you’re coming down with a severe case of the Mondays.

5. “Barracuda” – Heart
The rhythm will make you want to keep yourself in motion while you’re getting dressed.

6. “Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go)” – Garbage
This song will make you happy putting on your make up and singing along.

7. “DARE” – Gorillaz
This tune can keep you bopping all the way to the car or your choice of transportation.

8. “Face Down” - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
This song is screaming drive on the freeway at top speed away from all your problems. What do you do? Find the nearest drive-thru Starbucks.

9. “Under Pressure” – Queen Featuring David Bowie
You’re starting to crack; the pressure of starting a new week is getting to you. Freddie Mercury and David Bowie will help you through these hard times.

10. “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” – The Clash
You’re in the parking lot. The Clash is singing the infinite question… Do you really want to face this Monday? No? Take the risk, head back to Starbucks, grab a double shot, and call in sick.

And that's life. My monday is consisting of watching the dry run of TRANSFORMERS in 5 short hours. I'm excited. I'm all about the autobots man. Sweet.

Enjoy the random mix, links to download will be posted later today.

Everybody Gonna Feel All Right

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today, I'm feeling significantly less mucked up.
I feel a lot happier that's for sure.

I'm happy because:
-I registered for my classes
-I'm going on go karts today
-I'll get to see my friends
-I'll get to hang out with my boyfriend
-I made myself a tote bag / book bag with Paul McCartney from his apple ad
[I made the icon to match!]
-faith is home [♥]

This picture is from Seattle.
Taken on the road to the space needle.
Although it looks a lot like one I had posted before.
I apparently make this face a lot.
Maybe only when I'm taking pictures?
I don't know.

I miss hugs
I know that's something weird to miss
But I miss random hugs
And I'm hoping while waiting in the go kart line
He'll give them to me like he did last time

Today is going to be a good day
Sometimes you can just feel it in your bones

Side Note:
I justread back some random "thoughtful" entries from 2004/2005.
I'm not sure if I've grown from that...
Or if I've actually regressed from that point.
It's very odd to think about.
Good Morning

I Promise That I'll Run Away With You

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I'm content.
He's 6'5", I'm 5'2".
We're pretty much hilarious.
And I'm really happy.
[plus omg, he looks like a nerd, i just melt]

Why Is It...

That kindness is only offered when it's convenient for people?
"I'll donate my money because it's Christmas."
"I think I'll go and help at a homeless shelter."

I just hate how it's all on your terms, when you just feel like it...
shouldn't it be a year round thing?
Not just a month-long one?

I wish I was more giving year-round.

You Finally Find You And I Collide

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So, pretty much...
I'm over the Tyler deal.
For good this time.
And I feel really comfortable with everything with him.
I think before, it had to do with Abby.
And my general hatred of them together.
But now... It's good.
And I like the idea of him and Nem.
She actually seems to work.

In Other News...
If you don't know, there is an Andrew, from Canada. I've known him since I had a deadjournal way back when. But recently found his screenname in an old conversation and re-added him. And we've been catching up and talking a lot for a couple of months now. He's pretty much what I look for in a guy, I'm pretty much what he looks in for a girl.

Andrew (11:36:39 PM): Boob grabs are the most important part of any relationship
Me (11:36:55 PM): indeed
Andrew (11:37:05 PM): you agree? :P
Me (11:37:11 PM): yeah!
Me (11:37:22 PM): that's how I had 2 of my serious relationships, duh.
Andrew (11:37:37 PM): Jackie, if I had feelings, I'd be sad that you lived in Cali
Andrew (11:37:41 PM): Because you agree
Andrew (11:37:49 PM): but I don't. [have feelings]
Me (11:38:20 PM): Yeah, I would like you a lot Andrew, you know, if I didn't just know you from pictures and a computer
Andrew (11:38:47 PM): exactly my position too
Me (11:39:02 PM): well, at least we're on the same page then
Andrew (11:39:07 PM): indeed!

I hate that the one guy that actually sparks my interest in a good way, is in Canada.
And you know, the fact that I don't really know him and all that jazz.
Oh well, haha.
At least he likes me too.

Oh, and I caught a cold and hate everything because I'm cranky and doped up on medications. But my Faith is coming home today, so I'll get better and suck it up so she and I can hang out.

It's A Picture Update!

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Halloween 2006Collapse )

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Friday NightCollapse )

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Incness' 19th BirthdayCollapse )

And that's been my life lately.
Ty and I finally feel like actual friends again.
David is looking happier.
Inc is 19.
Jacob is still a hoe, but I loves him.
Steffan is.... well, I don't know about that.
But I don't see it going anywhere serious.
I miss Faith.
And my brother, Michael, is coming home Monday.

is getting significantly better.

My Daydream Screams 'Til The Bitter End

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Sometimes, I feel as happy as I look.
Othertimes, I look like I want to feel happy.
I need to figure everything out.
It's all a big puzzel to me.
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Life is life.
It's boring, dull, mundane, and very vanilla.
School is school.
I meet people on the bus, I love them, sometimes.
Sometimes they're creepy and stuff.
And sometimes they're graffiti writers that do their logos in my sketchbook.
Music is saving me.
I dance a lot by myself.
Faith visits are the best.
I forget how much I miss her until she leaves.
Spinach is finally safe,
Now lettuce isn't.
I’m surviving e. coli though.
I can take on the world now.